The guilty shame cycle

This evening I was nursing a tin of peaches (for a trifle I'm making) on the train home when I was struck by the sudden urge to have takeaway lemon chicken. Usually, I would ask my flatmate if she wanted in but I knew she was busy helping to stage-manage a birth (yay! congratulations to all involved!).

This is where the guilty shame cycle began.

I had to call the restaurant in a crowded train, and who wants to be that person overheard ordering takeaway all for themselves... even if you are? The solution to me seemed obvious. I ordered twice as much as I could reasonably eat, therefore making it appear that I was not going home to stuff my face alone... even though I was.

At home, after working my way through about half of the takeaway, I was overcome by shame and decided I should at least be productive and set about making my trifle. Only once it was fully assembled did I remember that the reason I made it in the first place was to use up sub-standard cake and therefore, would be too embarrassed to share it with work people.

It seemed only right to make something I could share with work people so more baking ensued. This did, at least result in tonight's recipe which originally comes from the BBC and contains more sugar than I would usually consider acceptable but that's why they're supposedly chewy.

Of course, after I'd produced a ridiculous amount of food, I immediately remembered the reason I was coming home for a quiet night was to send out a choir newsletter... It's going to be a late night.

Not So Chewy Raspberry Brownies
300g dark chocolate
200g butter
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
110g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
170g frozen raspberries

Oven @ 170c                                                    20cm square pan lined with baking paper

Melt the chocolate and butter together then allow to cool slightly. Whisk in the sugar, then the eggs.

Fold in the flour and baking powder.

Spread half of the mixture into the pan, then sprinkle over the raspberries. Top with remaining mixture (this stops the batter from freezing).

Bake for about 40 minutes or until the surface is set. Cool in pan for at least half an hour before turning out.